Below are 10 entries, after skipping 10 most recent ones in the "Otto Octavius" journal:
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It is normal to feel overwhelmed by the thoughts and frustrations that one is facing. What is so strange to me is that nothing bothering me right now has anything to do with my own actions or decisions.
One of the spirits unleashed by that bumbling "ghost talker" was that of the late Steve Rogers... AKA Captain America. Though he and his ilk were always my enemy, I respect the selflessness with which he lived his life, and remain firm in my belief that his protest of the Superhuman Registration Act was the most American thing that he could have done, in spite of the consequences.
What does it mean to be proud of one's country, but simultaneously full of contempt towards the government that is in charge of one's country?
I will have to look into replacing the phalloi in the yard.
Why have I become so obsessed with the need to feel guilty for my crimes? It troubles me far more than any guilt I have ever felt over the innumerable murders and acts of mayhem I have committed. I know that I have done terrible things, but as hard as I try, my heart does not stir to the remorseful feelings that I believe I am supposed to have. Should I be forcing myself to suffer and repent the things I have done through blood? Is it mere selfishness for me to believe that I am better off alive and working to do good things?
No amount of penitence will restore the lives I've taken, and even with the likelihood that I am going to hell when I die, (how it pains me to admit such a ridiculous-sounding thing!) I cannot submit my will to a God I do not understand and expect that my emulation of faith would make everything right.... but as a man, I possess the faculty to choose good over evil, and clumsy as I am, I believe that I can improve the lives of those around me.
There was an article in Time magazine a few months back, on the recent advancements that have been made in prosthetics medicine, and though it was brief, my own contribution towards the creation of cheap, functionable cybernetics was honoured and deemed 'undeniable'. I always considered robotics a means, rather than an end, but to have my work described in an essay on something other than notorious criminals of America is still an honour.
I've finally remembered why Dr. Langowski's face seemed so familiar to me.
With the help of several generous individuals to whom I am graciously indebted, my psychic injuries have been more or less healed... in fact, I've felt much more secure lately than I have in a while. I was able to dispatch the dangerous vigilante calling himself 'Darkdevil' and bring him to the Nexus Clinics. As long as he fails to become re-possessed by the demon who had been granting him his powers, I'm happy to just consider things square.
Despite some false leads and technical difficulties, Mia, Georik, Phoenix and myself were able to locate the missing Edgeworth, but.... I fear that he may not recover from his injuries. Phoenix and Georik were both injured during the fighting, though both were in stable condition as of last night. Georik's young friend, St Germant, may be off worse in the long run; he has had a geas placed upon him which caused him to go on a murderous rampage, and I am not sure if any of the Nexus' gnostics will be able to remove it.
It upsets me that I let the situation get out of hand so quickly; could I not have protected at least Phoenix and Georik from violence? Doctor Octopus has never had any trouble protecting himself from the slings and arrows of lesser men.
I don't know if I should have let Glening go free or not.
Otto Octavius hasn't been doing that well, lately. Ever since his defeat at the hands of the mysterious vigilante Darkdevil, during which his soul was ignited by the punishing hellfire summoned by the hero, he has been reduced to a near-comatose wreck. Tormented by phantom pain and an inexplicable fever, all that medical staff at Thunderbolts HQ can really do for the afflicted doctor is to hydrate his body intravenously and keep his brains from boiling away. Though unresponsive, (for the most part) he is never entirely still; his pulse is high, and his muscles tense and shiver, strained breathing punctuated by anxious mumbling or the occasional cry of pain. The doctor's actuators, always a source of concern because of their sensitive link to his reflexes and unconscious, have been removed and placed in safe containment.
With his history of mental instability and psychosomatic illnesses, it seems plausable that Otto's latest condition is merely the result of stress or possibly even an unconscious protest of his living conditions, and yet....
A devil man attacked me
yelyesterday. Pain is intense.
I don't know what happened but my God it hurts.
[[LOCKED to friends and associates]]|
As I have already informed some of you, I have been successful at coming up with a technique to thwart PIN-assisted abductions.
The device is a miniature digital signal transmittor, which can be worn around the wrist, arm or leg. While it is turned on, any PINpoint signal which is activated by someone holding the wearer will cause the wearer to be teleported to the Nexus Clinics, while the would-be abductor is teleported to his or her chosen destination. This is to assure that if the wearer is unconscious and a friend attempts to teleport him to safety, their helpful efforts will not be thwarted.
This will only remain a defensive advantage if those using the device do not reveal their knowledge of it with other persons.
If it becomes necessary, there is another way that those concerned about the rampant abductions, one which would be almost completely foolproof. A surgically-implanted recall device, heavily resistant to tampering, could be used to ensure a person's safety. I feel that most people would prefer not to choose this option, however.
I hope that this is of use to at least a few individuals.
Wright was returned, relatively unharmed. I have little interest in interfering with the activities of the individual who abducted him, as it is not my business, but nevertheless, this spate of PINpoint-facilitated abductions must be put to an end.
I intend to research the teleportation technology that the PINpoint employs, and determine the best surefire way of protecting vulnerable individuals* from being kidnapped by those who wish them or their associates harm.
*Li and Phoenix, I'm talking about YOU
...and Wright has gotten himself kidnapped again.
I think that we need to implant some sort of recall chip into his body so we don't have to go on a wild goose chase every time something happens to the poor bastard. I've left a message with Eiko's terrifying answering system, but I don't know when she'll get back to me. I lack the resources to appropriately assess this situation myself, so I've got no other choice but to keep trying with what I know until I can get more help.
The person who abducted him, (and possibly a younger Li) changed from a glowing ethereal to a greenish glass(?) creature and vanished before I could get a clear look at him/her.... I really hope that this is just a stupid prank. The last abduction I helped investigate turned into an insane wild goose chase, but I can't just sit by and hope that Phoenix and the child return unharmed.
How did I end up caring enough about these idiots to waste my precious time helping them?
I never found the obligatory sex-change 'nexus effect' to be particularly amusing, and it's even less so when I am the victim of one. To make matters worse, this particular effect has manifested as a viral infection similar to the common cold, and by not hiding myself in shame I have inadvertantly caused several dozen people to become infected with it themselves.
As a child, I always felt strongly attached to my mother, who was always my greatest moral support. Being suddenly thrust into a body that resembles hers so greatly is rather unsettling for me, but I must not mistake my confusion for some inherent 'weakness' of the female sex....
especially not when that sleazebag Harkness is around
I only hope that this problem clears itself up, and soon.
flesh and bone|
I don't know what I was experiencing last night that caused me to become ill; after a few hours of sitting in the Clinics, (and after a few tabs of Ativan) I felt perfectly healthy. The physician at HQ couldn't find anything wrong either, though he asked if I'd ingested anything caustic...
Of all the trials and traumas I've suffered, living in fear of my own body is the worst thing that my mind can concieve of. Though Eiko's technology keeps the cancer at bay, though it bears the marks of my crimes, masters past and present, it is mine. Monstrous and weak, an enduring reminder of my cursed parents, it has always been the single constant part of my being, the one thing that could not be altered or taken away from me. That it could be turning on me once more, jeopardizing my life with an unseen malady or simply as a result if time's ravagings.... and yet, I am still too cowardly to shrug it off in exchange for light and metal.
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